Early Childhood Aficionado Pillows

"They're like little sponges at this age."

Haircuts

"I'm bored."

Struggling with issues from his own childhood, the Bedroom Bandit would sneak in and jumble children's room across the nation. Not a mother believed it.

'Of course I put my kids first! Look at how much I pay the nanny!!'

"Soon you'll be sucking your thumb AND tying your shoes...they call it multitasking."

'I've never opened her up on the highway, but I get great mileage in the city!'

First Word

'Here comes the Papa-razzi again...'

Uterus: One size fits all.

"It turns out I just wasted the whole morning networking with a dog."

"The one time in our lives when it's acceptable to run around naked, but they dress us up like L. L. Bean catalog."

'But, Mom, being good just doesn't work for me.'

"Do that again, but cuter."

'Are you sure the children get plenty of exercise'

"Every time I tie my shoes, the laces come undone...I think it's a conspiracy!"

'You put it down for five seconds. I get it now.'

'I hear you can tell how big they will get by the size of their feet.'

It's all gravy.

'Your imagination was so powerful he became real. It happens to me all the time.'

"My parents call it a blanket hanging from my ceiling. I call it a giant privacy filter."

Introducing Peter's Cousin - Murray Pan - The Boy Who Refused To Stay A Child

"I had it all figured out. Sleep late, watch TV, play all day...then kindergarten happened."

Knight of the sandcastle.

Right little madam.

'Guess what? I fixed your jack-in-the-box.'

"I would share, but I'm not there developmentally."

'You haven't changed a bit Perkins.'

'We were mud wrestling.'

"Jenny, your play date's here!"

'Do you want to play doctor?' 'I can't, you're not insured.'

The three p's: peeing, poohing, puking