Dugout Dweller T-Shirts

'You're on Deck! Wilson! Hurry up with that pedicure!'

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"Freudian, Jungian, Adlerian – none of it compares to retail therapy."

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

Cat says of armadillo, 'It's one of those big armored rats.'

"Damn those dugout Martinis!"

"As near as I can figure, we're in the Unpainted Desert!"

"Flat pack furniture is my passion. It's just a shame I haven't the space to assemble it."

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

Baseball batting cage theater La Cage Aux Folles.

Mohammad's motors

"Come and get it!"

'Have you had a brazilian?'

"Why so aloof in here? When you're on base, you yak your ass off with every Yankee in sight."

Upper West Side Story

"I travel Prada whenever I can."

Florist "Say it with cacti"

'...And as suburban sprawl continues to grow, many people are finding themselves living uncomfortably close to their wildlife neighbors.'

"I've got something to tell you,Dad-I don't like fish...I mean I REALLY don't like fish...I HATE fish,Dad-there,I've said it now."

"A cactus! Darling, you're such a romantic..."

The moles have adapted to the winter weather.

Moses comes to Los Angeles.

"Hard to believe this was all rain forest just fifteen years ago."

"Efficiency tombs available"

"What, no day spa? And you call this a luxury bunker."

"Alright be cool. We're just gonna ask for an autograph and be on our way."

'I'm really thirsty.'

You have the flu. Get plenty of rest and avoid lots of fluids.

"Thank you."

Implausible Retirement Housing Options

'Yes, the walls ARE thin, but you'll be happy to know a world-famous rapper lives in the next unit.'

"Scat!"

'Wow... What did you use for bait?'

Boss, I got your memo. Why can't I talk about the ancient pyramids with the patrons? You misread that, minion. I want you to talk about the pyramids even more. Throw in the Sphinx, while you're at it. I've noticed a 4.35 spike in sales of cold drinks every time you bring up desert-based topics. You're taking all the fun out of human interaction. From now on, you're to carry around a small cactus at all times.