Duel Aficionado Mugs

"Beverly, brief me on my eleven-fifteen duel."

The baron sneered at the choice of weapon. But, little did he know that Sir Guy was deadly with a soup ladle.

"Call me?"

'Come on, I dare you: I say you can't drink a whole dew drop...'

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"We're never going to resolve this if you won't get your own sword."

Sitting in a tree

'I think I'll become a lawyer.'

Valentine Day

'Son, voting isn't a rational procedure by which one strategically selects an electable candidate who will best serve your interests. Voting is an emotional response to your gut level fears!'

"Skate or die."

"Most women find me too cutthroat."

"I'll be honest with you, I've been around the block a few times."

Love Birds love just being together

Duel in a wheelchair.

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

"Sorry I'm late: my parents insisted I wear protection on our first date, so I stopped to buy a flea-collar..."

Today, proud and accomplished the career woman re-enters the dating world, ready at last to meet the man of her dreams. . .

"Want to find out if you're also king of the swamp?"

'Gastroenterology...do I know that?'

'...And now, stay tuned for 'America's Funniest Presidential Debates'!'

Brexit negotiations had reached a critical stage.

Banana Smoothie

"Since my divorce I thought I'd never laugh again. Then I noticed your toupee."

You just keep giving.

Be objective - never take your own side in an argument.

'We don't have anyone here by that name. Was he perhaps using one of his aliases?'

'We've proven without a doubt, that this particle has a negative charge. Unfortunately, an accelerator in Switzerland has proven, without a doubt, that it has a positive charge.'

Poetry debate

Professor Dubreuil is blow away by the dynamic vitality of Dean Richmond's rhetoric.

"I'm gonna talk to her. How's my breath?"

"To maintain proper respect for management, you have to call me 'Boss Joey!' Unless, you know, you don't want to."

'Hardly any religion gets into chemistry, quite a bit gets into biology, and we're up to our necks in it.'

"We could have a shoot-out, then brunch."