Due Date Pillows

'And remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

"The bags under my eyes have combined to form some kind of face backpack."

A little bird told me...

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

'Do we want to tackle this head on, or just stun it with a glancing blow until next Monday?'

'I'm afraid we can't deliver your baby until your CRB check comes through.'

"But I use all of them!"

"Underwater Childbirth Ward."

'Yes, technology has come a long way, but the baby won't have a touch screen.'

Hourglass Dumptruck

'You're up the duff with a bun in the oven.'

Progress?

"Wow! According to this if I dig straight down I'll find a delivery suite."

Sonographer and pregnant couple looking at images of the fetus on a screen with options to share the image on various social media platforms

Your car called- It's not taking you home until that report's finished.

Weapons of War Through the Ages.

'I'm afraid we don't deliver on Sundays.'

"Would you like to cut the cord?"

A dog whose nose is a gun.

Books: Names That Will Make Your Child Hate You!

Please take a number.

'When are you going to take it out of its original package?'

We pride ourselves on having every type of insurance policy, but report card insurance is a new one to us.

Young British Artists.

Ancient Weapons

"Keep pushing, I can see the head!"

'I told you we should have packed a lunch.'

Panzer Hut.

'This was faxed to me by Ricky Ames, who's still on Cap Cod. 'How I extended my summer vacation...''

Really big bang

"We don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl, as long as it’s not annoying."

"Are you going to have a baby too, Uncle Fred?"