Ducky Humorist Pillows

'No thanks; can't handle caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, or number six birdshot.'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"Gee, thanks pal."

"He's no hat and all corgis."

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

'I don't think the employees like me.'

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

'Thanks, we really appreciate this. Yeah, the middle button. Don't worry, it's auto-focus - just aim and shoot.'

"I knew we should have gotten the shorter tree."

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

"Now turn your head and bark."

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

"Pssst. Fake poop."

German School

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

Man with dollar sign on his t-shirt.

Guide fish.

The Evolution Of Man

I know it seems a bit misplaced, but it does pay all the wedding expenses !'