Dual Eviction Aficionados Pillows

"Both of us! When did you start dual evictions?"

"Skate or die."

"You'd be angry, too, if your alter ego was a successful physician."

"My wife's lawyer doesn't understand me."

"I had a lovely evening talking trash with you."

"Read the book!""See the movie!"

"Your sweaters go in the drawer, your shoes go on the shelf, and you go in this nifty cubby here."

"Oh no. We're victims of the 'Tidy Intruder'."

"Pistols at dawn?"

Doctor Jekyll as a child.

"An 'Irish divorce' doesn't have quite the same ring to it as a 'Mexican divorce'."

I have a date tonight. She's coming over. I need to get home and clean it all up. Not so fast, little buddy. Cleaning is a delicate art. Clean too little, and she thinks you're a slob. Clean too much, and she thinks you're hiding something. It's almost as if you haven't read chapter 7 of the manual. What manual? "Mancleaning: By Randy 'The Rock' Taylor." You wrote a whole book about cleaning? It's the follow-up to "How to Reach the Tenth Level of Passion by Feng Shui-ing Your Dust Bunnies." It's

"Ok, you wash, you dry...."

A better way to sweep the floor.... just shuffle!

Sailors Scrubbing the Decks

"Looks like the Huffman divorce is in previews."

'You were right - the honeymoon is a bad time to get to know a gal!'

"...your ex-wife also mentions a gold filling."

So Your Landlord Is Trying to Evict You

"Guess which one I made with a 3-D printer."

'I'm sorry you were found guilty.'

"Try taking up something you can do together… like fencing."

"This is getting ugly, she's demanding a return of the kidney she donated to you back in '88."

Vacuum Cleaner Plugged Into Pig's Nose.

"They're not identical twins—they're surgical twins."

'If at first you don't succeed, dry, dry again.'

"Alimony is like paying off a car after you've crashed it."

'At last, an ethics committee that will listen to reason!'

"I wish you'd be more supportive of my efforts to divorce you."

"No dear,I'm not treading mud over your nice,clean kitchen floor..."

Ok, ok, if that's what you need to meet your daily goal, we can do 21 paces instead.

'Howitzers at dawn.'

Nature also abhors a vacuum salesman.

The comfortable silence left the room the moment Mr. Giggles walked through the door.

'Alimony is like having to pay instalments on a car after you have written it off!'