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Canoeing on a Dried River Bed

"You're obviously under consideration for something."

"You're doing that thing again where you're my husband and you're next to me in bed."

Man crawling through desert avoids a 'Water and Free Comedy Show'.

'My personalities are threatening to split.'

Garden Centre/Water Shortage

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

'You can just forget about the cake.'

'... And this is my cellar.'

Dead Funny

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

'Now they're just taking the piss.'

Another day at work would be one too many...

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

Forlornaments: Tools to drain individual and team spirit

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

'Alright, which one of you wise guys pulled the fire alarm?'

"Quick! Act like we just developed a drug that they can sell for seven thousand dollars a pill."

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

"Hey, remember a few days ago, when all this was unacceptable?"

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."