Drinks Order Comedian T-Shirts

"I'd like a glass of tap water, a dirty look and a sarcastic comment please."

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

'Man...You age great!'

Teapot

Cross-country runners picking up water and spare batteries.

Hydration

"Guess we are going to the coffee shop!"

Join me in a beer?

Relax, I'm just here to pick up a prescription.

"She said don't forget the straw."

"It's Olive isn't it?"

"It's for his shakes."

"Whoa! Just decaf today. I only had 15 hours of sleep yesterday."

Welcome! Milk Convention!: 'Bourbon, milk chaser- no, make that milk, bourbon chaser.'

"I like to keep my option open."

"For crying out loud! It’s empty!!"

'Quick! 'Tushy to the ground' stance!'

'Okay children, who knows the actions to I'm A Little Espresso Machine?'

"Is that decaf?"

I don't like it when lawyers put coffee on my desk. Relax, judge. It's tequila.

'I'm trying a beer diet: lager for breakfast, bock for lunch, and IPA for dinner. So far, I'm losing 2 days per week.'

Knight with a tap in his armour.

Drunken rooster has a hangover while sun rises.

'You always have an excuse when it's your turn to buy the drinks.'

"Ho ordered the Cafe au Lait?"

"Your bloodwork just came back. . . the GOOD news is that you've definitely got some!"

How to Tell when You're Asking for Directions from a NASCAR Fan: 'Make a left, then hang a left, take another left followed by a left...'

Alligator drinking Gatorade,

"Home is the place where, when you go there, they have to take you in - unless they've moved to a one-bedroom condo in Boca Raton."

"Here's an idea son, stop trying to order our drinks by text and get yourself up to the bar!"

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

"Bubbles, huh? Call it what you want...it's still just gas."

Triple espresso, please. No caffeine for you, Uncle Mort. I am not your Uncle Mort. You know the doctors have said "no caffeine," Uncle Mort. I don't know what you're talking about. My name is Mr. Somewunneruther. "Mister Somewunneruther"? Yes. Of the Minnesota Somewunneruthers. We're a very old and respected family. We came over on the Sunflower. Mayflower!!! One gentle flower chamomile tea, coming up.

'Is that the water authority? Can I use my hosepipe to pump out the basement?'

"Too dry?"