Downloads T-Shirts

"Wow, thanks. I'm a big fan. I've downloaded all your stuff."

'3 Second Loading Zone.'

'Of all the nerve!...Making us sit through the whole of their Bayeux Tapestries!!'

Mozart on a computer,

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

"Maybe the unseen hand of the market will change the diaper."

"People who don't believe in soulmates just haven't met the right animal."

Mega Cosmic Films. It's about a squad of ninja nuns? Yes, we call it "Force of Habit"!

"So, do you see yourself as a car valet who writes screenplays or a screen writer who parks cars?"

'What makes you think we have a radiation leak?'

Life Remaining Progress Bar

'Does it come on Disc?'

A Kangermoo

"Whatta you mean 'minor script changes?' It's supposed to be a western."

Karen was delighted that both her large and small suppliers had turned up for her industry day

Strategies that will always work

'What part of 'don't bother coming home if you are rat-arsed' didn't you understand?'

"Great news, babe. I'm on the fall schedule."

Actor looks at script called The Sandi Toksvig Story. He says: 'It's not what I had in mind when I said I wanted to play the Dane.'

'I downloaded them from heaven.'

Trial by Viagra

"What's the saying? 'An Amazon gift card is a girl's best friend.'"

'My, doesn't time fly? I can hardly believe it's been a year since you last forgot our anniversary!'

'Mmm -- I felt the Moon move!'

"We share values, … which is why neither of us has a full set."

"My parents had a saying: Never go to sleep mad at your computer."

Mortified that her hospital gown did not close all the way in the back...

Public Procurement Portal

Man listens to shell by the ocean and hears options to download ocean sounds from an online store.

'Stephen's down on the allotment, gathering in nature's bounty.'

"Just tell me when you've had too much sun and you'd like to get back to our intense sexual psychodrama."

Suppliers of fine pin-stripe

'I can't come over to play video games after school. I'm teaching an adult education class on using the internet to download and upload music and photos.'

'Why do people always assume I download my music illegally?'

"Know what we need? We need a house wine."