Doping Debaters Pillows

'Son, be honest. Are you taking EPO?'

Changing Minds

Ask Sadie Advice Hour. What's your problem?! I don't want to vaccinate my kids. But my husband does. What do I do? Excellent question. It reminds me of the time Mother Cohen and Father Cohen were arguing about vaccinating us kids. Father Cohen accused her of being a pawn of the Illuminati's attempt to use diphtheria to mutate us into ape-people. Mother Cohen accused him of being anti-Darwinian. That's when Father Cohen brought up her illicit fling with Chuck Darwin, and all heck broke loose. Um

Flat-earthers and round-earthers reach a compromise.

'Medical researcher have isolated the gene that makes us want to discuss our ailments with anyone we meet.'

"Hey, way to go! You invented both the disease AND the cure!"

'Look out, he has a gun!'

"Me, not self-sufficient? Who was it who self-published a self-help on self-medicating?"

"This drug has such pleasant side effects I consider them value-added."

Frogs jump out of boiling water, but linger in gradually heated water.

"Well, looks like someone's parents didn't believe in vaccinations."

The Republican View of Healthcare

'Hi John, it's your partner, Peter. I've decided to have a non-smokers day off - it should just make up for all the cigarette breaks you've taken in the last month!'

Bidenism: Let's Do 1/2 of a Lot of Good Things

"It's a new class of drugs to combat depression. They're called recreational."

"Um...David, a word if we may."

Novak Djokovic

"We're incompatible. . . He's anti-mask and I'm anti-vax!"

Novak Djokovic in Deep Water

'I don't care about your stinking study. This time, it better not be the placebo.'

Maria Sharapova

'. . . I go like dude, second hand smoke is so uncool!. . .So now he's filed a complaint with the condo committee that my musings penetrate his walls and he's suffering from second hand thought!'

'As we tighten immigration and seal our borders, we promise to keep the exemption for pro hockey, baseball and basketball players.'

"I'm not a doctor, but I play at being one when deciding whether or not to get the kid vaccinated."

I'm part of a pilot project to further curb military spending

Lance Armstrong's web of lies.

Obese evolution

'If we can't cure cancer, our hope is to turn it into a long-term profitbale disease.'

"It's the editorial he was fulminating against when he keeled over and croaked."

"These drugs in sports are tearing the game apart."

"Luke, use to Force, or crush up the Adderall Chewbacca gave you and snort it – your call."

Novak Djokovic Deported from Australia

I'm Not Sure Whether I Really Want the Vaccine or I Really Want to Avoid It

"Carriers are all we can be! La di da di de-e-e!"

'Yes, but your musical opinion is incorrect.'