Doping Debaters Pillows

'Son, be honest. Are you taking EPO?'

Changing Minds

Flat-earthers and round-earthers reach a compromise.

'Medical researcher have isolated the gene that makes us want to discuss our ailments with anyone we meet.'

"Hey, way to go! You invented both the disease AND the cure!"

'Look out, he has a gun!'

"Me, not self-sufficient? Who was it who self-published a self-help on self-medicating?"

"This drug has such pleasant side effects I consider them value-added."

Frogs jump out of boiling water, but linger in gradually heated water.

'Hi John, it's your partner, Peter. I've decided to have a non-smokers day off - it should just make up for all the cigarette breaks you've taken in the last month!'

"Well, looks like someone's parents didn't believe in vaccinations."

"It's a new class of drugs to combat depression. They're called recreational."

"Um...David, a word if we may."

Novak Djokovic

Novak Djokovic in Deep Water

"We're incompatible. . . He's anti-mask and I'm anti-vax!"

'I don't care about your stinking study. This time, it better not be the placebo.'

'. . . I go like dude, second hand smoke is so uncool!. . .So now he's filed a complaint with the condo committee that my musings penetrate his walls and he's suffering from second hand thought!'

Maria Sharapova

'As we tighten immigration and seal our borders, we promise to keep the exemption for pro hockey, baseball and basketball players.'

I'm part of a pilot project to further curb military spending

Obese evolution

"I'm not a doctor, but I play at being one when deciding whether or not to get the kid vaccinated."

'If we can't cure cancer, our hope is to turn it into a long-term profitbale disease.'

"It's the editorial he was fulminating against when he keeled over and croaked."

Novak Djokovic Deported from Australia

"Carriers are all we can be! La di da di de-e-e!"

"Name brand, generic, or mystery grab-bag?"

"These drugs in sports are tearing the game apart."

'Yes, but your musical opinion is incorrect.'

"Luke, use to Force, or crush up the Adderall Chewbacca gave you and snort it – your call."