Door-to-door Comic Pillows

"You know, Larry, you really don't have to carry that thing around to tell "knock-knock" jokes."

"Bad things happen to people who don't buy my cookies, Sir."

An old-time engineer enters the cockpit on a flight.

'...'Fire the coach'...'Fire the coach'...'Fire the coach'...'

'That will be 100 hours of community service in some other community.'

"Heelllllooooooo, Roswell!!"

"Come on guys, my jokes aren't that bad!"

Minutes Later The Course Of Comedy Would Be Changed Forever.

'Act your shoe size, not your age.'

'What have I told you about laughing on purpose, Mother?'

Comedy course highlights fake nose

"Would you like to buy a candy bar to help us raise money for our social security."

"Obviously, if I have to explain the joke, it's not funny anymore..."

'I'm a Fringe performer.'

'It's another canvasser dear'

"You can't go on because you're 'feeling funny'? In your case it's so rare, make the most of it!"

'This is the last time I'm walking the dog! Our neighbor told me if spot poops on his lawn again, he's going to rub MY nose in it!'

'Sorry Mr Wolf, but your neighbours have complained again about you 'marking' your territory...'

'For some reason they've nailed the mike to the floor.'

"I've been to college, but I'm selling magazines to pay off my student loans."

"This next joke wasn't offensive last week...is today...will get me cancelled next week, and be funny again one day when people get over themselves."

"Well, of course all of my jokes are going to punch down."