Domestic Comedy Fan Mugs

"I knew we agreed that you could be a stay-at-home dad, but that's when we decide to have children."

'Now he's saying:'stop shouting at me, darling, or the children might hear'!'

"For one million dollars, what have I been talking about for the past ten minutes: the upcoming election, my mother, my job, or an article in the Home section about kitchen makeovers?"

'Call yourself domesticated!'

"While she was making breakfast I told my wife about 'time and motion' and making fewer trips to the kitchen...."

"Being right all the time must be a terrible burden, huh?"

"Oh George, I wish you'd get things in perspective. . .!"

There were a million things Alexander Hamilton hadn't done

"Retirement? No thanks!"

'It's your wife. She says you'd better call Dial-A-Prayer before you head for home.'

'George said he wasn't going to shave or get a haircut until he wins his first arguement with me.'

Reginald, are you stralking me?

"Hang on, I'll get him for you."

'Will you fill my cat's litter box, please?'

"We need a new stove. This one's beginning to burn oil."

'Shorry I am late dear! Hic! Wass for dinner, hic?'

"And remember, woman... I'm the one who wears the sassy pastel yellow toreador pants in the family!"

"I don't want them overexcited,so we don't say T-R-E-A-T around Buddy or B-E-E-R around Bob."

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

"What?!"

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"Why do they do that?"

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

"When is my next parole hearing?"

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

Bad fake tan day.

Giraffe Umbrella

Old navy veteran 3rd base coach

"Okay, you both know the rules: no trash talk, no batting the other guy all over the house if he’s unconscious, watch the claws and nails..."

A Fairytale Update

Baby knocks old lady out with pram toy.

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.