Domestic Chaos Survivor Pillows

'Daddy, the toaster has stopped working again.'

'... and the kids are screaming and the house is a disaster, and my husband finally get gets home and says 'how was your day?'... so I bit his head off.'

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

"Not cool washing sheep in the dishwasher people!"

'When did you get a ceiling fan?'

"It's funny how that works. It doesn't matter where I am in the house... I can always tell when the novel isn't going well."

"It's all right dear, it only seems what it is."

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

"I'm running a loose ship."

"That's the seventh time Dad's waved at me."

"Did he sleep through the night again?"

'Please excuse the mess guys.My husband's doing a correspondence course in Embalming.'

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Housekeeping - No. II

'You must excuse us. Things are a bit upside-down at the moment.'

These colours haven't just run. They've sprinted!

“Putty took a wife. Her name was Possums, and she bore him Little Gentleman, Biddy Boo, Savor Tooth, Fluffy, Harry Cat, and Cesar. Then Little Gentleman begat Little Gentleman II and Friday and Tinkle Toes and Possum Tail and…”

"Found it! The cat was using it as a pillow."

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Housekeeping - No. III

'This is our home's communications center.'

Missing sock announcement on a milk carton.

It doesn't pay to own a cuckoo clock and a dog at the same time.

"After two weeks winter holiday in the Alps with the wife and my four kids, it is wonderfully relaxing to come back to a stressful workday!"

"Don't you think we'll be memorable parents?"

'Don't worry, your father won't notice.'

'I love what you haven't done with this place.'

Man attempting to paint a room by exploding paint onto the walls - "Could I see your qualifications again Mr Baker."

'We'll have to eat out tonight - the meatloaf turned on me.'

'He has weapons of mass destruction.'

"Gone insane. Your dinner's in a wheelbarrow on the M25."

'When he finally exhausts his vocabularly that's when I call the plumber.'

"Oh, no, I forgot to shred the toilet paper!"

Well, not only have I made Iraq a safer place to live, but I've just tidied the kitchen too!

'Can I tell you about my day? Or would you rather watch it on the evening news?'

"Close the door woman! There's a weasel outbreak!"

'Is that lunch or one of my shirts you're burning?'