Domestic Adjustments Pillows

"Oh c'mon, Phil. Everyone knows we only stay together for the giant tortoise."

"I don't do windows."

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

'Honey, I'm home - for good.'

"Me, I think Master and Mistress are incompetent: why else would they need a butler, 3 maids, 2 cooks, 5 gardeners, a pool boy and 2 personal assistants?"

"I'm going to be vacuuming, if you want to go into the farthest room and start asking me questions."

'We need to start dividing the housework for more peaceful marriages?' - What they'd say if they really wanted the women's vote.

"I don't believe it...are you actually flying somewhere?"

"It's your turn to throw out the dishes."

Master of the house states that he will be detained in the city on business when he learns that there is cold mutton for dinner.

"Please don't go!"

Romance over the Irons

"I need to recover from working from home with the family around me 24 hours a day. . . that's why I'm living here in the office for a while."

The black cat sat on the mat...absorbing all the heat of the fire.

'Hopefully these sessions will help you to adjust to flying economy.'

'No madam, the seat does not keep falling down, to the annoyance of male users, would you like one that does?'

Capturing a Cook

"Clark...is there something you'd like to tell me?"

"The Hewletts have flaming crown roast au vin blanc every Wednesday."

"Her ladyship isn't in—wait, yes, no—so sorry, she's out."

Just Married

"I'm sorry I used three squirts of washing up liquid instead of two."

'If your mom's not happy then nobody's happy, right dad.'

Flunkey asking for a larger salary and not happy to be compared to a lower order of clergy

I know you're keen to practise the new salsa routine, but I'm getting a bit jealous of the vacuum.

"What are you complaining about? When I met you, you were living in a one-room apartment."

"I'm staying in my nightie until 1997."

The new groom is a very young boy who says he ought to understand horses because he has been amongst them all his life

"That's fine. I've learned to enjoy TV with no sound when we're at odds."

"We broke our promise to not talk politics around the house, so we sold the house."

"It doesn't get any more low-maintenance than this!"

I will never badmouth teachers again. . .

'Why do you never change these things out when they're empty? They're not an infinite scroll.'

'And that is how you put the toilet seat down. There will be a quiz on Friday'.