Doggie Historian T-Shirts

Pet Cemetery.

'Shoot, this is nothing, you should have seen how good we had it back in ancient Egypt.'

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

"What if Newton came up with a different idea from a fallen apple."

'He tells me there's one chapter of his memoir titled, 'My Likeable Master'.'

"D'you remember caramel before it all became 'salted?'"

"I yip, therefore I am."

Dog History

'Going to Puppy School is so old fashioned Dad: I can do the course through open learning now...'

'Take it from me, and come back. The future is definitely on land.'

"Okay, we get it. You're descended from wolves."

"You've got to understand, in my family Dad was the poodle and Mom was the pit bull."

"Chapter three: Homo erectus and the practical use of bones..."

RING! RING! RING!: 'Not the cell phone AGAIN!'

Museum of dog memorabilia

The last of the mullet.

'Boy am I going to be pleased when the pregnancy is over...'

"I thought you might like to hear how my love-making sounded when I was a younger man."

A Woman's Conquests.

"It's not jsut that he walks upright and uses complex tools. He also makes me laugh."

"Is that Penny I smell? It's been so long... Hold on, is this Dougie? No way! That crazy mongrel, he is nuts! I remember that time he chased those kids on skateboards all the way down Cliff Street. Wait, is this Rosie?!"

'We're design classics son - unchanged for hundreds of millions of years...These new gimmicky things come and go.'

"Let's try it again. This time with a tad less mania."

"Making a documentary about a week in the life of a cat has proved to be less challenging than I anticipated."

'I never forget any of my girlfriends.'

"Sure, I wanted my hair back, but not my seventies hair."

BOWZ, poetry reading...'Neither good doggie, nor bad dog be...'

Rockwell School (Dog disguised as pupil).

'Huh! I grew up with Lassie, and she wasn't as sweet and innocent as everybody thinks...'

"This doll doesn't do anything. . . is it dead?"

"Well, if you really want me to eat my vegetables why can't you make them taste like chocolate?"

Day 16: Still have not sold any hot dogs

'And to my nephew, Rodney, I bequeath my entire estate of cats.'

'At least he didn't bite you.'

'Yammering? When we got married, you were fascinated by my every word.'