Dogged Job Seeker Pillows

"While your resumé said one thing it's come to our attention that labradors actually shed quite a bit."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

'Big sale at the Dog Store. Buy 1, get 2 free.'

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"In addition to 'loyalty' are there any OTHER qualities you think you could bring to the job?"

'We're looking for someone to liven up our Monday morning job meetings. Can you handle it Chuckles?'

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

"Well, you certainly seem to have a lot to offer this company, and, of course, the truffles are a hell of a plus."

'Once again you have exceeded my expectations.'

"Actually, the job calls for someone who is convex."

'I let my merit badges do the talking.'

'Smith, where exactly did you get your experience in 'Hedge Fund Management'?'

'We like to find just the right slot for our people.'

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

Urine Catcher

'...we are looking for someone with great interpersonal communication skills.'

'I understand you don't have a resume but you do have your pedigree papers?'

"We do price loyalty, but we were also rather hoping for a candidate who could read right and walk on two legs."

"And the hiring committee was very impressed with your no nonsense attitude during the interview."

'My resume,...in rap form!'

'Your resume is quite impressive. However, I'm a little concerned about you biting your last four bosses.'

"I work well independently. I usually correct all the problems I create."

"We are looking for temps, but I'm afraid you're too temp for us."

'So far, so good -- I got a second interview!'

"An MBA, a PhD, AND good at catching mice? Wow!"

'Ambitious? You sit there admitting you're a troublemaker!'

'Man, I gotta find a new gig!'

True, I've seen plenty of padded resumes, but very few bejeweled resumes.

'Do you have any other references besides your mom and Santa Claus?'

'I can assure you Mr. Rumplestilkskin, weaving straw into gold is a skill we can certainly use...'

"That's great that you're on 8 different social media sites, but how are you at bank reconciliations, accounts payable, and working?"

"It pains me to do this, but you're hired."

"You cleaned out your desk so efficiently you've been rehired and placed in charge of Housekeeping."

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.