Dogged Job Seeker Pillows

"While your resumé said one thing it's come to our attention that labradors actually shed quite a bit."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

'Big sale at the Dog Store. Buy 1, get 2 free.'

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"In addition to 'loyalty' are there any OTHER qualities you think you could bring to the job?"

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

'We're looking for someone to liven up our Monday morning job meetings. Can you handle it Chuckles?'

"Well, you certainly seem to have a lot to offer this company, and, of course, the truffles are a hell of a plus."

'Once again you have exceeded my expectations.'

"Actually, the job calls for someone who is convex."

'I let my merit badges do the talking.'

'We like to find just the right slot for our people.'

'Smith, where exactly did you get your experience in 'Hedge Fund Management'?'

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

Urine Catcher

'I understand you don't have a resume but you do have your pedigree papers?'

'...we are looking for someone with great interpersonal communication skills.'

"We do price loyalty, but we were also rather hoping for a candidate who could read right and walk on two legs."

'My resume,...in rap form!'

"And the hiring committee was very impressed with your no nonsense attitude during the interview."

'Your resume is quite impressive. However, I'm a little concerned about you biting your last four bosses.'

"We are looking for temps, but I'm afraid you're too temp for us."

"I work well independently. I usually correct all the problems I create."

'Man, I gotta find a new gig!'

'So far, so good -- I got a second interview!'

'Ambitious? You sit there admitting you're a troublemaker!'

"An MBA, a PhD, AND good at catching mice? Wow!"

'Do you have any other references besides your mom and Santa Claus?'

'I can assure you Mr. Rumplestilkskin, weaving straw into gold is a skill we can certainly use...'

"That's great that you're on 8 different social media sites, but how are you at bank reconciliations, accounts payable, and working?"

"You cleaned out your desk so efficiently you've been rehired and placed in charge of Housekeeping."

"It pains me to do this, but you're hired."

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.

"I'm approving it, you don't have to beg."