Dog Trainer T-Shirts

"It's always 'Sit,' 'Stay,' 'Heel'—never 'Think,' 'Innovate,' 'Be yourself.' "

"Yes, I'm talking to you. I believe you're the only Sparky in the house."

Quiz for dogs.

"I'm a bird dog."

"Not guilty, because puppies do these things."

Speech Therapy.

Why dogs make the best Valentines

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"First of all, forget everything you learned in obedience school."

Dog Quiz

"You know your mistake? When they say 'speak,' you speak."

His master's vice - heroin!

"That's right - I'm talking to you."

Dog training

"I do what they tell me, I eat what they give me. How do I know they're not a cult?"

'Any questions?'

"I can't explain it. I see that guy coming up the walkway and I go postal."

"O.K., I messed up. He didn't have to rub my nose in it."

Dog swim teams: 'Give me 10 more laps!'

'I tell you, the guy's a total control freak!'

"I know you're a working dog, Angus. I just don't have anything for you right now."

Pavlov's dogs - 'I don't know about you,but that bell's starting to put me off my food!'

"No, no, no. Double-click to open. I'll walk you through it one more time. Go get your leash."

"What other tricks does he need?"

"It's been moved that we adjourn for an afternoon nap. Is there a second?"

"Fetch and roll over weren't enough-then they sent me to philosophy classes."

'Any chance you can bite him yourself? I've really got a lot on my dish right now.'

Police Dog Training - "Try as he might, Rex could not master the freemason handshake"

"Have you consider the possibility that I don't want the paper?"

'They give you a lot of treats while they're training you, so play dumb for as long as you can.'

"Get Help!"

"As unbelievable as it may seem to you today, this court was once a puppy, too."

"I call him Recession - because you never know when he's going to bite."

"First you have to earn their trust."

"New tricks CD Rom"