Dog Duty Delegate T-Shirts

'When you bring the Sunday newspapers Angus, try not to drop the inserts!'

Growl - Hiss Conflict Resolution Meeting

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"Look, he just wants to apologize for scaring the daylights out of you yesterday. ... Mr. Squirrel? ..."

'We can't go on meeting like this'.

"Yeah, I don't like this part either."

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

'Why is it always me that has to put the cat out?'

"Thank goodness for pet doors because the alarm on my piddle clock was about to ring on the rug."

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

'I've been depressed ever since PBS said pigs are smarter than dogs!'

"Forget George, he scarfs down everything in sight. Aunt Rose and Grandma are good for slipping us a slice. Most important, the kids are sloppy. We're bound to find some juicy scraps under their chairs. Stay alert!"

Landing That Tough Account

Proud mother and new maid

"I'll walk, you shovel."

"Here's another fine mess you've gotten us into."

'It's Always 'Good Dog'—Never 'Great Dog.'

'A Telegram, M'Lord.'

'Don't forget to talk about their dog!'

"I'm just saying, studies show that owning a human can improve the quality of your life."

"You like long walks in the rain? Great! My dog will love you!"

"I'm about ready to forgive the French."

'You can't charm me out of this chair.'

"Wow, interesting, looks like she's not just being mean: research shows that chocolate is actually bad for us. . ."

'Oh, yes, you will get off!'

Bipartisan.

"It was humiliating! First, he told me to beg and then he wanted me to roll over and pretend I was dead...so, I bit him!"

Advantages of Growing Older

Cat thrusts note through mousehole that reads 'Can't we talk about this?'

"There, are you happy?"

'Okay, how do we do this?'

"Is your dog going to rip our heads off … I mean, friendly?"

"Okay, the first rule of rolling in s***e club is no one talks about rolling in s***e club."

"Hey, I built the nest. You feather it."