Documentary Director Wannabe T-Shirts

'Phoor...watch these sperm whales at it...ah...yes..yes...'

Director/Action Man toy.

'Nothing beats seeing your favourite band play live.'

"It was years ago, for a nature documentary, and they said it was going to be very artistic."

Billy, can you deliver your show 'n tell this time without the fog machine?

"Then one day, as I caught a tennis ball in midair, I asked myself, 'Is this all there is?'"

"Oh, come on! Nobody brought a pen?"

'We're doing a fly on the wall documentary.'

The team video didn't spotlight my talents. I've hired my own film crew. They'll showcase my skills so college recruiters can see my strengths. Wow! How can the director pack so much into one little video? Great point! Daddy? Tell Steven Spielberg we're going feature length. Nice save!

Crocodile

They're watching a documentary about safety razors. Sounds like a Schick flick!

Police film evidence

Kirsten Johnson

"Mom! Kathy's feeding her liver to the dog! Want to see the video?"

Michael Moore creates a UK equivalent of Fahrenheit 9/11

"No need for stage fright, it's just a documentary crew: be yourself..."

A father films his family while imagining himself as a director

My friend, Ernie, the documentary filmmaker, is producing a series about beverages. One film follows a man's search for the perfect lager. The working title is "The Beer Hunter." He found a group of young women in high school who are fantastic baristas. "Bean Girls." Espresso. Another movie will uncover animosity in the orange juice business. Maybe I should call it "Pulp Friction." And he's examining vineyards and winemakers all over the globe. I'll call the film "Planet of the Grapes"!

"I remembered that time you said you wished you had a biographer."

"What I did on my summer vacation and how I optioned it to Miramax..."

"Ugh! Stop making a drama documentary out of a molehill."

"What do you suppose Ken Burns will have to say about all this in 30 years?"

A fly on the wall documentary.

'I don't mind playing dead. But what I would really like to do is direct.'

Fahrenheit 911.

'I still say these shots need more action.'

"What do you suppose Ken Burns will have to say about all this in 30 years?"

Michael Moore

"My report on summer vacation. . . Book and movie rights are available for $1000 each."

'Hold it - someone's filming this without permission!'

'Great! So that's the film... Now for the sound!'

David Attenborough

"Nothing like the History Channel to get you to appreciate these peaceful times we're enjoying."

Ernie is a documentary filmmaker who tells stories of folks in their professional lives -- I think he should wonk on his film titles more. One film looked at the surprisingly competitive cutthroat world of the dry cleaning business. "The Hanger Games." In another, we see astronomers traveling to remote locations to escape light pollution. "The Dark Night." Ernie showed us the bond among young butchers in an increasingly vegan world. "Stand by Meat"! And he told us the story of a man who i

'Coming up next...more of man's inhumanity to man...in hi-def.'