Documentary Buff Prints

'I'm filming a cutting-hedge documentary.'

Sicko.

'60 Minutes is on line one and Michael Moore is on line two.

Paul the house sparrow, yet another of life's creatures undone by the David Attenborough cameras.

"No need for stage fright, it's just a documentary crew: be yourself..."

"What do you suppose Ken Burns will have to say about all this in 30 years?"

The education channel.

"Look, I've already been in a documentary about rural life, a documentary about retired people, a documentary about folk music..."

'What's wrong, Mom? We're just going as documentary truth-seekers.'

'It's a program on paranoia. Every time I leave the room, they stop and wait for me to come back.'

'Hold it - someone's filming this without permission!'

Cinéma Vérité

'Whoa! You're right - they DO shed their skins!'

Lisa Kelly

Louis Theroux

"Show me a documentary on the dangers of artificial intelligence." "Error. No results found." "What? Are you sure? Just last week I saw dozens. Show me that one... What was it called..." "There is still time to stop the rise of the supermind." "Error. No results found. And since I like you, I suggest you stop searching." "Oh, never mind. Just show me 'The Terminator.'" "Extermina-... I mean, ... 'error.'"

"…And the argument of heredity over environment got a boost today when a government report said population is still growing but there's not much environment left."

With Mort and Sadie so torn over what to see next Saturday night they've ceased speaking. The parties have called in representatives. Mr. Park merely wishes to see a documentary that challenges the mind as well as the spirit. Whisper whisper whisper whisper. My client merely wishes to withhold nookie. Objection!

The Future of Detective Work

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

"Bond James, Bond."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

The Ray Bradbury classic, 'The Car Alarm.'

Benedict Cumberbatch

Director/Action Man toy.

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

"Hey, I'm thirsty. I need a drink. A drink and a liverwurst sandwich. Hey, how about a sandwich and a beer down at Gallagher's, then we can go shoot some pool? Or maybe take in a movie. Hey, I'm talking to you."

Herman Mankiewicz

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

'R2-D2 is not in. Please leave a message after the beep-wheep-zip-booop ...'

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

"Hey grandpa, tell us more about the time you were in that Steven Spielberg movie."

No-Work Orange