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Scrip Doctor

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

"The end of my favorite series is near."

Book Shop Plot Spoilers

The Friendship Between Death and the Doctor.

'There's no such thing as 'ookawooka-itis' -- You have got to stop watching doctor shows!'

'Ok, Bachelor number 2: What's your idea of a perfect first date?'

Morgue - "Welcome to 'Celebrity Autopsy'"

Houdini.

Out of Context Nite with Jeremy Clarkson.

"You've got to move. The bed is needed for another TV drama."

"Ed's not really into binge watching...he just can't find the remote."

"Now that I can watch whatever I want, whenever I want, my life has no structure."

Celebrity Clerk: Schrodinger's Cat.

"Your husband's laryngitis will probably last another wee but your blood pressure is nothing short of miraculous."

"Meaning of life!!" "Meaning of 'Game of Thrones' series finale"

'Termites!'

"Binge-watching squirrels. What are you doing?"

"It's like 'Family Circus' meets 'The Wire,' but on a cruise ship."

Congressionally Mandated Themes For The Daytime Talk Shows

'...and all going well, definitely no more than 15 minutes of fame!'

'Sorry, I already have a Dancer.'

'Hi, I'm here to apply for the EXTREME make over talk show!'

'Hi Peter, it's Chris Tarrant here, from 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire?''

'Oh no! A Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme lord!'

"Are you sure this species has never been filmed before?"

Studio 51

"Mom, turn on the TV!"

I don't care if you did win the bloody X-Factor. You're dealing with the H-Factor here.