Doctor's Diary Pillows

'Well I haven't had a chance to review all your readings in depth, but if I were to be forced to make an educated guess I'd say that your were knackered!'

Very tired doctor falls asleep on patient.

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

He was different from the other doctors. For one thing, he refused to play God.

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

"Hope you don't mind, but I can't find my little hammer."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

'Just follow these simple instructions.'

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'

"All my symptoms are old ... "

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

"Sometimes I wonder why I spent ten years at medical school and another 20 honing my skills..."

'Let me guess...it's contagious!'

'I need to borrow your Ph.D. for a half hour tomorrow. I have a major problem to solve.'

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

What Do Doctors Dream About?

"Watch carefully...it hurts when I do this."

'The doctor will acknowlege your existance now.'

My diagnosis? Restless tongue syndrome.

"You'll feel a pinch and then a burn."

"It's interpret-your-own-test-results day today."

"You're sick of this? Just try to imagine how we feel."

"This is for the pain and these are for the side effects."

"Turn your head and cough."

'Apply that ointment as directed and call me if the growth does not reduce or it starts to talk.'

"If you're such a great Doctor, how come you're not on Chicargo hope or ER?"