Doctor-patient Relationship Solver T-Shirts

'This is only a placebo, but trust me, it works!'

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

'Wow, these lights stay on the red cycle for a very long time.'

'Where does it hurt?'

"Helen, is it possible that we are using our child as an intimacy barrier?"

"No heroic measures."

J. Greeble, MD: Practice limited to simple, straightforward, old-fashioned diseases.

"Well, yes, I suppose I could explain the test results in 'plain English' — but then you'd know how sick you are."

'I'm the doctor - I'll decide what's chronic!'

"Take two of these and call my answering service in the morning."

'Hey, what do you want from me? As a primary care physician, ALL I DO is prescribe drugs and refer you to specialists.'

Antimicrobial resistance

A doctor statue and a patient statue

"Stacy, Tom thinks you've been acting distance since you became a flight attendant."

"Is this your first time seeing a specialist?"

"You can't check my pulse while I'm checking your pulse!"

"Full moons were a problem but it's gotten a lot calmer since we installed the doggy door."

"Unfortnuately, we won't know what's wrong with you until we do an autopsy."

"So, we are all agreed, gentlemen. There shouldn't be that many of those, and that's a funny colour."

"Instead of paying me compliments, he gives me I.O.U.'s!"

"He wants to know what's taking me so long."

"No one else, huh! So who the hell is sending you a pigeon at four in the morning?!"

"It's the only way I can get some of my paitents to listen to me."

'This is to strengthen mutual trust.'

"… All the lab work confirms it — I’m sorry, Mr. Franklin … You’re old."

'The good news is that it's not my problem.'

"Well, if it's elective surgery, I vote no."

"Like the stars in the Universe, he's beyond comprehension."

"You want a second opinion? Do you have a second illness?''

"There's very little of this going around? Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

"You know, you wanting to get a second opinion is very insulting to my medical degree."

"I know we agreed to a period of watchful waiting, but this is more watchful than I bargained for."

'You say your wife doesn't understand you? Here's my card. Call my secretary for an appointment and we'll talk about it. I'm a psychiatrist.'

'He promised that he'd never look at another woman, and last night I caught him waching Paula Zahn on television!'