Doctor-patient Banter T-Shirts

I'm suffering from kleptomania, Doctor. Can I take your temperature?...

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

'Where does it hurt?'

Doctor to patient: 'I won't be asking about your three marriages. This isn't an invasive procedure.'

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

The New Age Dentist.

'Gee, Doc - couldn't you just use a rubber mallet to check my reflexes?'

"Do you want to speak to the man in charge or the nurse who knows what's going on?"

Oh, good - Looks like the doctor's in.

IV Bags: Main and Afters

You're going to give me a hay fever shot? Shouldn't I be getting an anti hay fever shot?

"You can't check my pulse while I'm checking your pulse!"

'I had a stomach ache, so I took bicarb of soda and went to bed early. Did I do the right thing?'

Outingpatient

"So, we are all agreed, gentlemen. There shouldn't be that many of those, and that's a funny colour."

"He's losing his will to pay!"

'I'm pretty sure that you have something that is difficult to pronounce.'

"How do I get Nurse Jenkins to stop saying 'I told you so'?"

"Sorry, I had the hiccups."

'Actually I was rather looking forward to a BLANKET bath!'

'Pick something you can tolerate from this list of side effects and I'll prescribe something appropriate.'

'I never make the same mistake twice!'

A nurse Reports A Patient's Condition To The Doctor.

"Health insurance? Waking up breathing each morning is my health insurance!"

"Does your tooth still hurt?"

"Donald is an appendicitis survivor, too."

'Is there ANY good news, Doctor?' 'Well, you don't need to worry about scraping by on a pension.'

'How long has it been since you gave up smoking?'

"… All the lab work confirms it — I’m sorry, Mr. Franklin … You’re old."

"And if you'll kindly relax your spinchter I'll be happy to write a prescription for that inflamed prostate."

'It's a nasty little rash, nothing to worry about!'

'You can discuss sexual failure with me Mr Harmsworth, I'm trained not to laugh.'

"There's very little of this going around? Is that supposed to make me feel better?"