Divorce Savvy Pillows

"I want to be put on lifestyle support."

'I'm with my minister father and my senator mom through the week and my senator mom through the week. I'm the ultimate division between Church and State.'

"I have been happily married... three times!"

Parson and abandoned husband

"Do you know that we saved a ton of money on legal fees by being more ethical?"

'Your therapy helped me leave Frank. Franks wants to thank you personally.'

'She originally told you she wanted love and understanding? Well, her list has grown.'

"An 'Irish divorce' doesn't have quite the same ring to it as a 'Mexican divorce'."

"Then one day he said, 'It's either me or the damned cat!'"

'You were right - the honeymoon is a bad time to get to know a gal!'

'Your wife gets custody of the children, and you get custody of the babysitter.'

'I got custody of the kids.'

'Landmark book deal.'

"In order to separate, one of us has to move out."

"Mommy divorced Daddy because Daddy was noncompliant."

"The law says his wife gets half of everything he owns."

Betty's Ex, Ray, Glasses.

Divorcees Club - The Joy of Ex.

Computer Aided Divorce.

'Under the terms of my divorce I have to wear it for a full year.'

'You again? -- what went wrong this time?'

"I wish you'd be more supportive of my efforts to divorce you."

New Improved Child Support Agency

"As part of the settlement she's asking for the two cars, the house, the cabin and one of your testicles. The other, of course, will be applied toward my fee."

"We're separated."

"No matter how sincerely you apologise to your wife, the answer is always the same: 'It's too late now.'"

'I'm a divorce lawyer. That helps a lot because as a sideline, I'm writing love poems.'

"Sir your wife would like to formally invite you to her 'bring your own lawyer' divorce party."

'Leave Doug alone for awhile Karen, he's very upset. His ex-wife just won sole custody of his inner child.'

'Something very inexpensive - There's a whisper they'll start divorce proceedings immediately after the anniversary party.'

'I wish you had tried to screw me this much while we were married.'

'Take it from me, hon. Divorce is the continuation of marriage by other means.'

And after Mr and Mrs Tooth and Nail...you've got the Hammer and Tongs.

Eggerton & Peppo - Specializing in Amicable Divorces and Children's Birthday Parties

"Ted Burton! How are you? How's my ex-wife? My kids? My dog?"