Divinity Scholar Pillows

'They always call it 'Noah's flood,' like it was my fault or something!'

"I'm not sure I liked your tone when you addressed me as 'Mr. Know-It-All'."

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

The Apostle Paul receives a reply from the Corinthians.

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

"Well, we needed the rain."

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

Well HERE'S some good news...Judgement Day has been replaced by a multiple choice questionnaire.

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

"You call this a constitution?"

"I've got writer's block."

"It's cool – God told us to!"

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

A surprise in heaven

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

"They're SUPPOSED to have a disparate impact!"

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

Cleric with bible briefcase.

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

'Can I download that as a PDF?'

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

"Drop everything, Dominic. I need you to proof this for blasphemy."

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

"It's either the Ten Commandments or the Mueller Report."

"What did Jesus order?"