Divine Priority Ponderer Pillows

"It says God created heaven and earth, then there was light. Why didn't He do it the other way round, when He could see what He was doing?"

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

"I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer."

I know time is an earthly construct, but I still feel sleepy in the afternoons.

"Oh goody! It's just like the Columbian Exposition of 1893."

'Congratulations, you've got the job. Unfortunately though, you'll be constantly late, and we'll fire you in two months.'

"I'll have dessert first."

'I didn't expect to have remote controls here.'

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"Why did God make fruit if he also made candy?"

"It is just as the Oracle foretold!"

'I say we try it.'

'Are you sure we should do all this praying on Sunday? -- I thought it was God's day off.'

'Just one God? - But won't he be outnumbered?'

'You'll be going on a long journey this Christmas.'

God answers what He thought were worldwide prayers for peas.

'Eve ate the apple, and she's asking if you want to make it two out of three with oranges and bananas?'

'The hardest part of being a street crazy is picking each day's sign.'

Why not get God's fax number, and just fax him my prayer?

Fortune teller sees impending doom

'What did He do before he was God?'

'He's always looking for an argument!'

Jesus wept

'We're cutting you some slack because you just died but normally we frown on devil's food.'

The End is Near.

"NO I DON'T THINK YOU NEED LEGAL REPRESENTATION WHEN SAYING YOUR PRAYERS."

'I know we're laying up treasures in Heaven, but I still think you should talk to the Church Board about your pension,'

Self Service Island

A self-filling prophecy.

'Before we begin, let's say a little prayer for humility.'

A psychic predicts the discovery of gluten.

"I'll have whatever they're having."

'Osgood was a theologian back on Earth, and he thought all this stuff would be allegorical.'

'Hi, my name is Eve. Where is the mall?'

Various Birds of Pray.