Divine Meddler Pillows

"'An easy fly ball to center field' - We'll see about that."

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

Ghostwriting the Bible

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

'Are you sure You can be objective? -After all, You did CREATE them.'

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

"He really isn't bad, per se, but he is kind of a jerk."

"If everything is God's will, tell me again why I need to study for exams?"

'When you pray, does God have call waiting?'

"So join me in prayer for those who are damned if they do and damned if they don't..."

A not-so-happy God, with the Humans, sticking an Eviction Notice to the Earth

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

"Because of the economic situation they've relaxed the rules."

"Having completed the formation of the earth, on the seventh day the Lord rested. Then, on the eighth day, the Lord said, 'Let there be problems.' And there were problems."

"Instead of Red Team and Blue Team, why don't we make it Good v. Evil?"

'Just one God? - But won't he be outnumbered?'

It's true. Some days I feel like creating a miracle, and some days I just feel like helping a dude catch a touchdown pass.

Vicar prays for money for church repairs.

'I'm all tired out from creating - let's just use NATURAL selection from now on.'

"This is a little embarrassing to admit, but everything that happens happens for no real reason."

Is this Seat Taken?

If Peter had only interpreted Jesus' words literally...

"Yeah, it's a sweet boat Noah, but you're still gonna have to start over."

'If we have everlasting life, what about entropy?'

"He just called our work substandard."

God's Fly Swat...

'Oh, I believe in God -- I just think that he's overrated.'

Heaven is unattended...leave your prayers at the sound of the tone.

'Flying fish? - I TOLD you there was too much background radiation down there!'

"I'm a little disappointed you don't actually talk the same as in the KJV Bible."

"This human experiment has gone on long enough. Give the hippos control."