Divine Intervention Devotee Pillows

'This message contains confidential and/or legally privileged information, unintended recipients may not use, copy or disclose any portion of this transmission.'

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

'You know, I never have had a sabbatical....'

'Our ultrasound equipment is not working, so we've brought in famed psychic Jennifer Armstrong to give us a vision of the fetus.'

"And on the seventh day, God 'choked,' and all hell broke loose."

Two men in T-shirts, one shirt says Jesus loves me, the other Jesus loves me more.

"According to the breathalyzer, the wine definitely represents your blood."

Vicar prays for money for church repairs.

"Betcha can't hit the same spot twice in a row."

"Just my luck."

'Is this a 'cash for clunkers' deal?'

Mystic Writes 2014 Diary

Remote-controlled Popemobile.

"Yeah, it's a sweet boat Noah, but you're still gonna have to start over."

'I may charge a lot but you get much more through me. I'm a psychic large.'

'Hey, Naomi, remember last week when you said nothing short of a miracle could save MicroTechnoCom from bankruptcy?'

The real reason for the hole in the ozone layer.

"Honey, could you grab the Bible? I need to double-check something."

"For the last time- I can't Rapture you out to the Hamptons."

'Hey, good news, we had a look at the X-rays. Turns out, God is on your side.'

"The Lord has heard your prayers and has sent me to say unto you, shut up about it already."

"If you want me to ask him that you'll have to wait until after the watershed."

'It's just a miracle.'

"All of my manifestations are currently busy however your prayer is important to me so please..."

"Oh, that's the problem - it was unplugged the whole time!"

"Why corona? I thought they were getting a bit too cocky."

'Fortune cookies aren't fun for me. I always know my fortune in advance.'

Monk at prayer, "and take care, if anything happens to you we're sunk!"

'Let's go home, coach. If God was going to intervene with a miracle and change the final score to save your job, it would have happened by now.'

'New Charismatic'

A Chariot of Fire Takes Elijah Up To Heaven (The Holy Bible).

'Now they're praying for the Sun to stand still - You really should have told them more about physics.'

Why there are no church hecklers.

God throwing a lifebelt.

Hunter looking frightened with smoking gun. Angel dropping out of the sky.