Divine Dualists Pillows

Can we use the buddy system and just keep five commandments each?

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

Ghostwriting the Bible

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

'We've re-branded.'

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

'Are you sure You can be objective? -After all, You did CREATE them.'

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

"I wonder how many people are claiming to be your messiah right now?"

"If everything is God's will, tell me again why I need to study for exams?"

"Mr. Pope, please give this summons to your boss. The prosecutor wants to know how god can allow so much misery."

"You want answers?" "I want the truth!" "You can't handle the infinite explanation of cosmological arguments relating to the truth!"

"He really isn't bad, per se, but he is kind of a jerk."

"Hey! These are still good!!"

A not-so-happy God, with the Humans, sticking an Eviction Notice to the Earth

"I'm an agnostic now that I've started having self doubts."

"So join me in prayer for those who are damned if they do and damned if they don't..."

"Having completed the formation of the earth, on the seventh day the Lord rested. Then, on the eighth day, the Lord said, 'Let there be problems.' And there were problems."

"Instead of Red Team and Blue Team, why don't we make it Good v. Evil?"

'Just one God? - But won't he be outnumbered?'

'I'm all tired out from creating - let's just use NATURAL selection from now on.'

"This is a little embarrassing to admit, but everything that happens happens for no real reason."

''Adam and Eve'? -- then You're going ahead with the dualism idea?'

Heaven's Ingredients: 100% Natural Love, 100% compassion and 100% forgiveness.

The Biggest Forest Fire Starter

'What do they mean 'is borer a beast of the field'?'

"I stand corrected..."

"Well, son, in a way, I suppose Jesus was a trust-fund baby."

'If we have everlasting life, what about entropy?'

"Hey, this is a good bit- did I say that?"

'Oh, I believe in God -- I just think that he's overrated.'

"To find out if God exists let's ask an expert."

God's Fly Swat...