Divine Dialer Prints

'Father, I think the Lord has forsaken me, all I get is his voicemail.'

Monk has divine reception

Local News in Heaven

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

'When you pray, does God have call waiting?'

Old-fashioned computer

"Because of the economic situation they've relaxed the rules."

"The deadline for compliance just kicked in."

God sends a text message: 'OMME!'

It's true. Some days I feel like creating a miracle, and some days I just feel like helping a dude catch a touchdown pass.

You are everywhere.

Is this Seat Taken?

"Yeah, it's a sweet boat Noah, but you're still gonna have to start over."

You Have 1 New Messages

'How do you expect to play Canasta when you left your brain to science?'

'Is this a 'cash for clunkers' deal?'

Ohm sweet Ohm

Remote-controlled Popemobile.

"I'm a little disappointed you don't actually talk the same as in the KJV Bible."

Angel book with feather falling out of it

'I've been praying for a revelation, but nothing happens!'

'Does it come with any Apps'

"All of my manifestations are currently busy however your prayer is important to me so please..."

'Listen, I obeyed more or less 25% of your commandments. Don't you think that I deserve a promotion or at least a little raise for that?'

'I think we're going to need an ANNOTATED edition.'

'When you pray, does God have call waiting?'

"Pretty good, but I'll bet you can't hit him again."

'You are here.'

"A spot near the almighty!"

"Thou," not "you"! "Shalt," not "shallow"! "Sayeth," not "sawtooth"! Gah, I'm gonna smite somebody! God's Autocorrect.

'You mean I have to MENTOR, too?'

"We are currently experiencing a high volume of calls but your prayer is important to us so please stay on the line and one of our ....."

"Really looks like they could use a miracle about now sir!"

"If that's humankind, I'm not here!"

Never fails. Stay in all week, not one call. Step out for an hour to preach...