Dishwashing Disaster Pillows

"You used the right amount of detergent and fabric softener. The problem is this washing machine isn't for dishes."

Kitchen Tetris

'I don't understand: I lick the plates clean, but Mistress still puts them in the dishwasher afterwards...'

"Dad's dinner really is melt-in-your-mouth...it's half frozen!"

Hey boss, that generic soap you gave me isn't really cleaning the cups. Mind if I go get some brand name stuff? Are you insane? There's zero difference between generic and brand name products. Corporate America just cons people into thinking "you get what you pay for." Don't be a stooge, Rudy. Don't fall for it. Now get in there and scrub those cups, minion! Strike a blow for the little guy against corporate lies! Wait ... I'm very confused. Are you a right-winger or a left-winger? You mean in w

"Not cool washing sheep in the dishwasher people!"

'We've finished the dishes, Miss. Jenny washes, I wiped, and Susan picked up all the pieces.'

"The dinner date was a disaster! I realised he was still a "Mama's Boy" when I saw he was expecting me to regurgitate his food..."

"Oh, very funny. If you don't like my cooking just say so!"

"Daddy tries to cook, but all his meals begin in a can and end up in one."

"There's something wrong with your dinner."

'Today was a bit of a disaster.' - 'First I cut my finger and bled everywhere, then I lost my plaster while I was cooking.' - 'Do you want the last bowl of pumpkin soup?' - 'No, it's okay. You go for it.'

"Oh my god- the salad's on fire!"

The Trials and Tribulations of Superheroes.

"Your dinner will be later than expected, but how much later depends on where you go for it."

Setting fire to the Christmas Pud.

'It finally happened. We have so many dishes in the sink with unidentifiable crud stuck to them that they spontaneously combusted.'

'You're not supposed to use fabric softener on ARMOR!'

"The boss started me on the bottom. Not in the mail room, but in the office cafeteria washing dishes."

"Dropping a spoon means a beautiful woman will visit soon."

'That new recipe didn't quite work out. Do you fancy popping down to the chippy?'

The others in the office send a poignant message to Frank to stop leaving dirty dishes in the break room.

''Honey!...Have you seen the brussel sprout casserole I made for dinner tonight?'

'World peace? No -- but we've brought you some very advanced dishwashing detergents!'

'Don't worry, it's all dark meat.'

"The recipe said to stand in hot water for ten minutes."

'You must be the only wife who uses a smoke alarm as a food timer!'

'Static cling like you wouldn't believe.'

"It's only fair to warn you, I've joined the Union Of Dishwashers."

'My wife always switches the smoke detector off when she cooks.'

'Actually Fred, I dropped a couple of things when I washing up...'

"We either admit we spilled bleach in the laundry, or convince mom tie-dye is REALLY back in style!"

"You haven't been as good as we'd hoped, so you can do the washing up."

'It says to put the potatoes in a pan of water but it doesn't say whether to use still or sparkling.'

Choose joy, Al! If you mean "joy" dishwashing liquid, I prefer "Dawn."