Discovering Family Secrets Gifts

"And this was the man I thought was your father until E-Z Pass records proved that he was in New Jersey when you were conceived."

'There's something I never told you about your father, Billy. He was a lawyer.'

"...then click 'save settings', scroll down to 'done' and voila! You're on Facebook stalking Miriam's daughter's new husband."

'One of my forebears.'

Newborn making the V-sign

'It's time you knew, Son -- you were abandoned here as a child by aliens.'

"When my Tia Maggie got married, she wanted 8 kids...and her husband wanted 2 kids."

It's time you know the truth about your father.

Harold's suspicions are finally confirmed - 'Son, you're adopted!'

Genealogy Service. Family Trees Traced. I discovered that not only are you heir to an unclaimed family fortune, but I'm your long lost brother Wally!

'You rejected my great grandfather and my father. I demand you recuse yourself!'

"Baldo, let everyone know that Tia Carmen is in the hospital!"

" ...and this is the armor of my ancestor, 'Cederick the Unintimidating.'"

"When I was 5 years old, I put all my money in a pickle jar. Of course, my money was soggy and the pickles tasted funny."

"Hell, as Jean-Paul Sartre once said, is other peoples' inheritance tracks."

"Son, the reason you're not happy like me is because your real father was an oyster.'

"I think my grandmother might have married him and brought him home after the war, since then he's just been sat by the fire..."

"I didn't want the family business but ten years ago, on take your child to work day, my father wouldn't let me go home again."

Son, I'm adopted

"Goodbye Sweetheart. No matter where you go in this life, or what you do, always remember that you signed an N.D.A. with us."

'Your DNA test results are now in.'

'Now you're older, we think it's time you knew that both your father and I and you are adopted.'

"Wow. I share DNA with Moby Dick!"

"...brisket ...recipe. Hide it."

"This is the house I'm growing up in."

Bob spent years tracking down his birth parents only to discover the awful truth. They lied. He had never been adopted.

"Yes, Henry, you were adopted."

Geneology Service: 'I'm afraid you fall into our 'better off not knowing' category....'

I hear you're taking reproductive health. Don't be jealous, Nana. It's boring. Too bad! We had memorable sex ed! Way back then? Yep. Way back

Calling yourself O'possum doesn't make you Irish, Bob.

"Tio Henry has been going out with Juanita for some time, huh?"

'Mom, dad, it's time for me to know the truth. . . was I adapted?'

"I know her from somewhere. She's either my mother or my daughter."

Oldest sibling is last to know about Dad's new girlfriend.

"The school psychologist said I have a genius I.Q. . . . . so why didn't you tell me I was adopted?"