Discipline Paradox Admirer Pillows

"He's very disciplined about his writing, every morning he stares at the keyboard for at least 4 hours before he allows himself a cup of tea!"

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

"Think outside the box but never forget who owns the box."

"Hey, it's not all fire and brimstone anymore—one of our nine circles is even smoke-free."

"This just in: one of us always tells lies; the other always tells the truth. Who's who? Stay tuned."

An old-time engineer enters the cockpit on a flight.

'What a bunch of control freaks!'

"There's nothing magical about if, actually I just have a knack for this sort of thing."

Magician Playing Golf.

"Don't make me resort to alternative questioning techniques."

The Meaning of Life

"Extreme? Maybe. But I have the best behaved school in the district."

I will not waste chalk kid...

"We were told we could find the Wells Fargo records here."

"Apparently, if you understand it, you don’t understand it."

Alligator Bars

"I hate to be a downer, but, statistically, people are more likely to die of heart disease than by getting

'Dad's old school teacher was really strict. He still has to go back every night, to finish his detention!'

"I found another great book about living with less stuff."

'You're not fooling anybody but yourself.'

Funny how moms know when you're going to do something naughty at the exact time you're doing it.

Cakeless.

"Looks like there was a mix-up. Apparently the tank we ordered went to Vinny's Joke Shop in Hoboken, New Jersey."

"I can never remember whether children are to be seen and not heard or the other way around."

For the War Inventions Board. The Armoured Bayonet-curler for the Spoiling the Temper of the Enemy's Steel

'I'm sure looking forward to relaxing when we get to the summit.'

Let me guess...you peed on your homework again!

"Isn't that cute? He's reading his diplomas again."

"And this is my great-uncle Harold...he was a famous escape artist!"

"After all the effort we went through to get you a piano, you'd better practice every day!"

'The last thing he said was 'I'm going to go look up the work 'Dictionary' in the dictionary,' and then the universe kind of collapsed around him,'

"Next on... Auto Mechanic M.D. Your knees are shot, so I'm going to try injecting some grease. If that doesn't work, I'll make you new knees from some shock absorbers."

'You're not really into this, are you Mahoney?'

A man climbs a tree to try to blow out the sun.

"Carl had the mouth of a truck driver... Sorry, Carl, I just can't make no sense from all those words comin’ out your pie hole. A truck driver with a Ph.D. in mathematical logic."