Director-in-training T-Shirts

"… and once you've finished advanced infantry training, you'll be assigned to film school."

Director/Action Man toy.

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

Billy, can you deliver your show 'n tell this time without the fog machine?

'You're doing a play in kindergarten?'

'The doctor will be with you shortly, he's finishing medical school.'

'Hold on, Pepe!... The score is tied with less than a minute to go - and the losing team gets boiled.'

"I can't tell you how it ended. That would ruin the sequel."

The importance of paying attention in med school.

"Simon, I'm not really interested in your juvenilia."

Martin Luther King and Obama.

"You need to stop pressing the snooze button on your biological clock."

Great coaching is about being specific with feedback.

'I don't mind playing dead. But what I would really like to do is direct.'

"My report on summer vacation. . . Book and movie rights are available for $1000 each."

Stage producer.

To Be/Not To Be

"I was thinking of joining a parenting class."

My First Boat

Producer, Director, Egomaniac Chairs.

'Mom, I followed your time-honored legendary family recipe for Brussels Spout Bake with one exception - I substituted a pizza for the Brussels Sprouts.'

'Too much salt!'

"Do I have to pay the plaintiff the same amount again for each rerun of my case on TV?"

"Cut. Cut. You call this a crime scene?"

'Having done the mentoring skills questionnaire I think I need a mentor to mentor me in improving my mentoring.'

What I'd really like to do, of course, is direct.

"No offense Dad, but is this available on DVD?"

"The quality of the writing is an embarrassment, it has no style, no fluency, no soul!"

"There's a big difference between being a method actor and a meth OD'd actor, Burt."

Pantomime auditions - 'He'd be ideal as Buttons.'...'Oh, no he wouldn't.'...'Oh, yes he would!'

"Wanna play doctor?"

'I don't mind playing dead...but what I'd really like to do is direct.'

Pony Director

"Not another car chase. That's the last time I let you and the dog pick the video."

"It's not what you think, Mum, I was only orchestrating a stock market crash ..."