Direction Diviner Pillows

Motorist sees highway sign: Where you are going, next right.

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

"If you get to the pitchfork-shaped cloud, you've gone too far."

No, this is the red lagoon, the black one is down the road a bit.

"Today I came across antiderenuclearizationalityness."

"We're having a special today on bright futures."

"Sometimes I bark at nothing."

'I got one of those new crystal ball smart watches.'

"I see you attending a family reunion, where things get quite heated."

'Go ahead,ask me which way is north.'

Travellers

"You'll be able to talk to your husband. I have video conferencing."

Crystal Ball Plug

'What's the use? Everyone has his own PC future-probability program these days.'

"Where should we target our advertising dollars? "Hold on, I'm checking my website."

End of world nigh!!!

A self-filling prophecy.

"Now...this piece of paper will reveal even more."

'Waiter, there's going to be a fly in my soup!'

"It's going to snow! Is that it?"

"You will dance on your enemy's grave."

Mystic Writes 2014 Diary

"That's not what I said."

'I can see much grief, suffering and misfortune ahead - and you'll always be dogged by extremely bad luck - but, the good news is you're going to live to a very old age!'

Fortune teller using a computer rather than traditional methods

"The future's looking bleak! Is that it?"

"I'm the boss, I set the agenda, I make the decisions...GOT IT!"

"You'll meet a handsome young man who will marry your best friend."

Reading the future in beard stubble.

Plugged In

"When the mist clears, turn right."

Fortune teller has a diary for 2017