Diplomatic Referee T-Shirts

'Apparently the first leg was a bit contentious.'

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

You Are Here - Uncle Sam's Exit Strategy

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

'It's a senior management position. We need someone who can listen politely, and then say no.'

"This ump is so good he doesn't even blink."

United Football Club: In, Out, VAR.

'I'd better make a note of your blood group...'

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

'Sean Connery was the best James Bond!'

"With the prices they charge these days I can't afford to throw a pie or can off beer at the ref."

But does he dust anything at our home? Noooo

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

Woman watches football match played by a mug of tea, salt pot and ketchup bottle, she says to husband: 'Your explanation of the offside rule was spot on.'

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

"I don't think Dawson understands the concept behind the 'Talking Stick.'"

"Well I didn't see the incident myself.."

'You haven't heard the best thing. . .no referees.'

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

Nuclear Security Summit

Get back in that locker room! Go on - scat! ... Anyone else forget to wash his hands?'

Yeah, I've been driving in circles for an hour looking for a place to park. Zamboni.

Jocko, a man for all sports' seasons.

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

Goalkeeper makes the wrong save.

Joey Barton's red card wins Premiership League for Manchester City.

"Our intelligence shows that everybody loves us."

'Yes, your papers seem to have lots of citations, but I've checked: They're all self-citations...'

'Upon further review, the pig did not have control of the ball prior to being eaten...'

'Now what?!'

'This is not what I meant by a free kick.'

'Are referees black with white stripes or white with black stripes?'

'Are you blind ref?'