Diplomatic Decorator Pillows

Politicians' basements (as seen on TV)

"Don't worry about your purchase not working. Everything we sell here is totally non-functional."

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

Painting by the numbers for adults

Adhesive Tiles: Do Not Open from this End.

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

Painting the Ceiling

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'

'Can I invite my friends round to watch, Mom?'

"We went for Scandinavian interiors."

School Career Choices: Celebrity chef, celebrity gardener,celebrity plumber, celebrity vet, celebrity painter & decorator. . .

Face Painting.

"I'm starting to think stripes."

"On second thought, mabe it would look better over there."

'The roof needs icing.'

"My feng-shui consultant placed Harold in the closet."

Michelangelo is painting the Sistine Chapel ceiling and a priest comes to check how he's going - 'Michelangelo, what the hell is that? I just wanted a couple of coats of duck-egg blue!'

'The kids just love doing paint by numbers.'

"Now that we have these Earthlings in our power, we can take over this planet!"

"Hon, do you think the accent wall was a mistake?"

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

"My pillow mania got out of control so I'm limiting myself to just one at a time."

"Who should we have at eye level this month?"

Redecorating Easter Island.

"I went with weirdness over quantity this year."

'I wanted a change in decor.'

Cutaway view of house undergoing renovation

'Quick, press control Z!'

A centipede's Christmas stockings

"Love your feng shui!"

Pea green

"Well, I didn't have any more wall space, and I was also tired of being bald."

'Hello, Robinson Crusoe here, I'd like my kitchen finished by Friday.'

Pollock Painting Company