Dinomaniac T-Shirts

"So, what did you do at charter school today?"

Showbiz Awards

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

CEO with SEO

'So one day I thought, I'll teach you brats to laugh at me!'

Cossack dancers

"If I knew when this was going to end, it wouldn't be so stressful."

'You have her home by midnight, now!'

"I don't like the look of this."

"I must have pressed the wrong button."

'She's in training.'

'What really annoys me is that they're not even my demons - they're Goya's and Hieronymus Bosch's and Brueghel's.'

'Usually when a man promises me a fish dinner, I naturally assume it will be at a nice restaurant.'

The Best Laid Plans

"Before we decide that SEO is dead, can someone tell me what SEO is?"

GPs could be forced to switch IT systems onto new NHS digital contract

"Sorry, there's no toilet paper or hand sanitizer down here."

Computer tycoon, 'It's that nerd-do-well from next door,'

2001: A Space Odyssey - Updated

Now Playing On Your Phone: Other People's Craft Projects....

'Did you know that turkeys and dinosaurs are closely related? Meet my cousin, Lenny!'

The auto-update demons attack-again."

The Flirtateous Period

"I unleash greed, disease, and death on the world, and you're saying you ate an apple that made you smart?"

"Unfortunately your Twitter has been hacked. Fortunately it has been hacked by someone much cooler and funnier than you."

"… and the last item on the pre-nuptial aggreement is, … he wants final cut on all home videos."

Bebaaaaaaaop! (sheep)

"A toothbrush with a DVD player?" "Yeah, now she brushes for half an hour."

Work related problems for Madame Tussaud

'Get me Hell, Miss Saunders. I wish to sell my soul.'

'After scraping my tongue, flossing my teeth, brushing my teeth, whitening my teeth and gargling, I'm hungry all over again!'

"Once upon a time, in a land far away...."

"Greetings earthling. Take us to your celebrities!"

Now that the last child had finally left for college, Dot and Neville went through the usual 'empty nest' grieving process.

"Look, I'm really having trouble with my computer. I need it to work and I need it now...and your fancy schmancy jargon isn't helping much."