Dinner Party Diva T-Shirts

"Don't look now, but a fast-moving cold front is headed our way."

'I've just discovered why she can't stand you. Apparently, you introduced her husband to golf.'

Chefs-R-Us

Lobster a la Riseholme!

'We can't make it tonight after all, Liz -- Louis just decided that he's an isolationist.'

"Thanks so much for coming over for dinner, please put your coats, belts, boots and any liquids in the tray and then step through the scanner."

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

"I love this place—its food, its ambience, and its political goals."

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

'Enjoy your meal! We grow everything ourselves!'

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

"Oh, boy, hard-core sugar!"

La Table

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

'On the contrary... I'm too tough for the steak!'

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

"Rump roast?"

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"I come here for the pepper."

"Hi. What kind of wine goes with fruit salad?"

"Again, are you sure I didn't mention about bringing your own 3-D glasses?"

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

"It was a cheese and wine party but the mice got there first!"

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

"It comes with a small Greek salad."

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

'Thank you so much, but I just followed the directions in the cookbook.'

"Joel! Killer crust!"