Dinner Etiquette Explorer T-Shirts

"And what made you think that this neanderthal would be able to eat with a knife and fork?"

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

'That's the corkage fee you wanted to ask about, Jack, not the cleavage fee!'

"Great coffee, Carole."

Platter confusion.

'While you're doing his brain surgery, can you tweak things a bit so he'll stop picking his nose at the dinner table?'

"How many times have I told you? No trading Asian market at the dinner table."

I always forget - is it white with dry food and red with wet food, or the other way around?

"I hope he's wearing pants."

"Have you had a chance to look at the menu?"

'Smoking or non-smoking?'

"Must we discuss your worming right before dinner?"

"The last doggy bag."

"This time, let's not just fill up on bread."

"What a slobster."

'Well, at least he doesn't beg at the table.'

Screen Time at the Dining Table

"Guys, remember, no feeding frenzy: Leave some for Grandpa to chew on..."

"Wait. Let it breathe."

"Guys, guys! He's pointing at me! This is great, I've never been picked first before!"

"Are you enjoying your escargot?"

"You've got a tiny piece of ginger in your mustache."

"Oh, don't worry about that—it only goes off when someone taps 'no tip.'"

"A table for two? Would you like chairs with that, madam?"

"How do you tell the Son of God He's got spinach in his teeth?"

I'll have a hamburger.

The Last Dinner

"So you mean to tell me that this business dinner actually involves business?"

"Oh, but it's fine for you to hang out where I eat."

The wine and water lists.

'Is anything O.K.?'

'It's not nouvelle cuisine, Monsieur. You've ordered from the children's menu.'

"Once again, Dave blew the date when his instincts got the better of his etiquette."