Dinner Date Comedian T-Shirts

'How's life treating you?' 'It doesn't treat me — we always go Dutch.'

'It's still embarrassing, whether it's toilet paper or you're unraveling.'

'Your French dip, sir.'

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"Fresh pepper spray?"

When we met, you told me you make a lousy first impression. Well, guess what: You also make a lousy second impression. Actually, my only decent impression is Kirk Douglas. Wanna hear it?

'May I recommend a dry white with the seafood dish.'

"You're looking gorgeous tonight darling..."

"Do you have anything that would make him seem like a self satisfied pig?"

'No, I don't need a doggy bag, but how about a kitty bag?'

'If you mean Janet, she works the late shift.'

'Let's forget the duck de la margola and order something else!' (man seeing duck fleeing from cook).

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

'I just come here for the ambiance. The food's lousy, so ordered a pizza be delivered.'

"Waiter! - this soup tastes funny!"

There's a strange mist over my food. You never heard of pea soup fog?

"I like you and all, Carl, but you've just got too many problems."

'I didn't find a finger in my chili!'

"I am off duty, but the body cam allows me to discreetly take photos of my meal."

'All right, I agree with you.'

'Do you have any wine from the Ming dynasty?'

"How about you? Were you 'locally raised'?"

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

Menu. Everything looks so delicious! Thank you!

"Would you like any suburbs, or just the check?"

'I seem to be very conservative but secretly, I'm a rebel - I don't wear pants.'

'Do you happen to have a scratch-and-sniff menu?'

"Knife...fork..."

"You folks like a little something?"

"Oh, don't worry about that—it only goes off when someone taps 'no tip.'"

Please be gentle, waiter. This is my first salad. I'm sorry, sir, but there's a reason they call it "roughage."

'Self service.' 'How much do I tip myself?'

'I'm glad I don't like spinach because if I liked it I'd eat it and I hate the stuff!'

"You will let me know if I'm boring you with my little stories, won't you dear?"

Lady with an inflatable dinner date.