Dinner Date Comedian Prints

'How's life treating you?' 'It doesn't treat me — we always go Dutch.'

'It's still embarrassing, whether it's toilet paper or you're unraveling.'

'Your French dip, sir.'

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"Fresh pepper spray?"

'May I recommend a dry white with the seafood dish.'

"You're looking gorgeous tonight darling..."

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

'If you mean Janet, she works the late shift.'

'No, I don't need a doggy bag, but how about a kitty bag?'

"Do you have anything that would make him seem like a self satisfied pig?"

'Let's forget the duck de la margola and order something else!' (man seeing duck fleeing from cook).

'I just come here for the ambiance. The food's lousy, so ordered a pizza be delivered.'

"Waiter! - this soup tastes funny!"

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

'I didn't find a finger in my chili!'

"I am off duty, but the body cam allows me to discreetly take photos of my meal."

'All right, I agree with you.'

'Do you have any wine from the Ming dynasty?'

"How about you? Were you 'locally raised'?"

"Would you like any suburbs, or just the check?"

'I seem to be very conservative but secretly, I'm a rebel - I don't wear pants.'

"You folks like a little something?"

"Oh, don't worry about that—it only goes off when someone taps 'no tip.'"

'Do you happen to have a scratch-and-sniff menu?'

'Self service.' 'How much do I tip myself?'

'I'm glad I don't like spinach because if I liked it I'd eat it and I hate the stuff!'

"You will let me know if I'm boring you with my little stories, won't you dear?"

'I don't usually find worms attractive,but as soon as I saw him I was hooked!'

'How many times have I told you not to talk with your mouth full?'

"Waiter, there are needles in my stew."