Dining_entertainers Pillows

"Just so you guys know, in the event of an emergency I'm fully trained in P.R."

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

Showbiz Awards

Zombie standup

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"Here's another one written in E minor and in case you haven't guessed by now, it's the only chord I know."

"Behold! As I transform this family size frozen lasagna into a meal for one."

Life is for the birds.

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

Clown on bike.

Unforgettable, that's what you are... Gnat King Cole

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

'How are the ventriloquist lessons going?'

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

"Extreme miming"

The Rooster Comedian.

"We're following Carrot Top."

"Hi there! - I'm the world's first eco-friendly comedian... All My Jokes Are Recycled...!"

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

Comedy Cafe

"Smile when you say that, pardner."

"That'll be five bucks."

'You and your 'Rescue the Reindeer' campaign!'

Cow Show Tunes

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'They all laughed when I told them that I was going to marry a magician.'

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'