Dining Aviator Pillows

"Fresh pepper?"

"Stephen and I are today's special."

Life is for the birds.

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

Grandma's caf

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"Anything but milk and cookies."

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

Am Awful Crammer.

Waiter in resturant sawing violin.

'It feels warm enough to me.'

"You and your daft inventions."

"We make substitutions within reason, Madame. We can give you courgettes instead of the aubergine, but we cannot provide Jean-Louis Trintignant in place of your husband."

'A HAMBURGER?.. really?.. I took you for the WEENIE type!'

Seafood: "Of course our food is fresh."

'Would you folks like sparkling water or tap water?'

'I don't have enough money for a tip, but feel free to eat the leftovers!'

Steam from dinner in restaurant forms dollar sign

Platter confusion.

Pizza with Extra Extra Cheese.

"It's an extra $2.00 if you want a candle with a wick."

'How was the squid?'

'This is fantastic! I don't know what's smaller, the talk or the food?'

'You don't have to drive around. We bring the food to your table.'