Digital Organization Warrior Gifts

Retired five years and he still hasn't managed to clear his inbox

Hello, my name is riskyy@ronny5 and I am addicted to comments boards.

Lies/Damned Lies/Social Media

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

"And lastly, for my infinite perseverance, self-control and fortitude, I'd like to thank the Internet trolls."

Spammatic blaster - gun to shoot pop-up ads.

Internet Cafe.

"I'm being punished. I have to stay out of Wi-Fi range for an hour."

Censorship.

'I delete so much junk mail, my trash can icon turned into a dumpster.'

'I have the MRI scan of your brain. The right hemisphere is clogged with computer passwords.'

'Please pay attention. Pretend I'm a movie on your phone.'

Weapons of War Through the Ages.

'Hurry, it's having a nervous breakdown!'

'It is now safe to kick and swear at your computer'

"I hate people using the cloud."

'You see this app? It starts a revolution.'

"We understand you're not happy with our privacy policy."

'Nothing says Christmas like a game of 'Death Slayer 4'.'

'Technology hates me.'

"We don't need a digital security guard. Hackers don't actually come to our house."

Free Internet Access

Monitor Reads: Now You've Done It! AAIIIIEEE...

'I'm pleased to announce the newly-created 'Office of Homepage Security' - to protect against computer hackers.'

... and I'd suggest you take more frequent breaks from your computer.

'This is our most effective junk mail filter.'

"Whatever the politicians might decide, I'm well prepared because I've got enough hate comments for the next five years!"

"Ms Hathaway, I need to test my mettle. Find someone on social media who thinks they can bully me."

SOPA supporters regroup.

"Hmm... I wonder what I can find to trigger my self-righteous indignation today..?"

Meta data retention.