Digital Etiquette Trainer T-Shirts

"OK, gotta go...hey, why is everyone at my table singing the Hallelujah chorus?"

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

'Yes, as a matter of fact, you have caught me at a bad time.'

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

"Hi. What kind of wine goes with fruit salad?"

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

'Try and be pleasant dear, you don't want to alienate it.'

'Personally I think one great improvement to these tea dances would be some tables.'

"Ma'am, why don't you go ahead of me?" "Um... no thanks. Let's let this gentleman go ahead of us." "Oh, no... you ladies go right ahead!"

If bar stools were like playground swings...

'No high dives off the veranda, OK?'

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

'..and if you must yawn tonight keep your mouth shut.'

'I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid that's inappropriate.'

'Don't get up!'

Greeting card section: 'thank you' and 'you're welcome'.

'Dear Miss Etiquette, I'm never sure if I should say anything...'

"Remember, I want to hear fifteen solid minutes of small talk before you ask for the Wi-Fi password."

"This time when they show us their latest acquisition, we'll gush regardless."

'Can you pass me the saw-dust when you're finished with it Darling?'

"I will have the riesling, and a thimble of your best pinot noir for the little lady."

'One year of obedience school and he still doesn't know which one is the dessert fork.'

"Smoking or nonsmoking?"

"When offering the wine list, we don't say, 'Something to wash that down with'!"

Ladies' Game

"Let it breathe for an hour, to bring out the best home-truths."

Gratuities: Fine presumptuous dining.

Politeness opens doors

"He must have picked that up at the kennel."

"I'm not trying to change you. That's the personal trainer I hired's job."

"I can never remember, how much do we tip?"

"This is Jim's second speech on how not to make people mad by talking on your phone. I missed his first speech."

"Do we need change? That's a $100 bill for a $53 check, Mr. Presumptuous."

"Guys, can you be quiet for a minute please: I'm on a call!"