Digital Etiquette Explorer T-Shirts

"And remember, the phone goes to the left of the entree fork."

'It was embarrassing. While I was taking up their cell phones, my cell phone rang.'

Modern methods of reading over someone's shoulder.

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"Maybe we should have brought a Riesling."

"Just what is a runcible spoon?"

"Ah yes, I know this bit...it's from the advert!"

"Yoo hoo, the meeting's over here."

"Remember, I want to hear fifteen solid minutes of small talk before you ask for the Wi-Fi password."

"Red wine with fish? Sometimes you really are a monster."

"How many times have I told you? No trading Asian market at the dinner table."

Politeness opens doors

"Excuse me, sorry, is anyone using this chair?"

"Good evening, Sir. I’m Ian, your server with a serious attitude."

"Hey, it's me. I just sent you a text message responding to your e-mail saying that I should IM you."

"Please be advised that our new chef's policy is that you're not allowed to leave until you've finished all the food on your plate."

"You've got a tiny piece of ginger in your mustache."

"Linda, is it proper etiquette to announce layoffs via a Tweet?"

'Remember, it's not just gimme. It's please gimme.'

"I'm not repeating the specials again until everyone puts down their phones."

"Not quite – one ankle on top of the other!"

"Sorry, but I didn't switch from unsanitary handshakes to fist bumps just to start group hugging!"

"They say you're supposed to listen to what your body is telling you."

'When the curse is upon Dave he's never sure whether to use the bathroom or the garden.'

Popular methods for getting the check

'Mind if we play through?'

"What have you done?"

". . . And let's try not sniffing EVERYONE'S butt tonight."

Dog urinating standing up.

"May I trouble you for a steak knife?"

"This tone means the battery is low. This one means you've just driven over a pedestrian. And this one indicates that someone sitting near you in a coffee shop is about to grab your phone and stuff it down your throat!"

Sunday Sermon: Let he who has not sinned cast the first blog.

The Cold Shoulder: 'What do you give the Cannibal who is late for Dinner?'

The Cell Phone Is Here to Stay