Digital Era Humorist Pillows

"My mom follows me in Insta, Facebook and Snapchat. It's only a matter of time before she finds a way onto my work Slack."

'We do savings and cheque, not twitter accounts!'

'Oh good! You fetched a printout of the internet version of the newspaper.'

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

"OMG, LOL!"

"I change my mantra every two months so no one can hack my soul."

"Will follow you on social media for food."

'My dog ate my computer.'

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

"Larry, what's the weather forecast?" "Let me ask you something. Did you make waffles this morning? Because someone had maple syrup on their hands, and I seem to recall a hand moving me... a pretty, pretty, pretty sticky hand..."

Standard Life Aberdeen Rebrand

"Don't worry about her sucking her thumb. Soon she'll be texting with it."

"Now that we have these Earthlings in our power, we can take over this planet!"

The Smartass Phone

Bill was so determined to Twitter no one dared tell him he couldn't do it with a calculator.

"The incessant chatter was driving me crackers, so I got him his own twitter account."

Twitter that!

"Alright. What should we watch first - the Youtube video or the comments below?"

'The boss said to get rid of all the pirated software before he returns, which will be in about five to ten years.'

"Grandpa's not tech savvy. If I want to unfriend someone, I say, 'I don't like you anymore' to their face."

'for more obit info, go to...'

The Escape Key

S�ance "I'm through to your husbands voice-mail"

"Does 14 followers on Twitter count as 'leadership experience'?"

"The x-rays came back, and — I'm sorry, but we found a very large attachment."

"I'm just gonna reach in my back pocket real slow-like and turn off my ringer."

Terms and conditions

New hyper-realistic Star Trek

'Do you mind if I share your post on my wall?'

'...we are looking for someone with great interpersonal communication skills.'

'Am I on your good Facebook friend list, or on your bad Facebook friend list?'

A dog poops an @ symbol.

"This is Siri. No, you're not there yet!"

That's nothing. You should see what he writes in the comments section.