Digital Dog Whisperer T-Shirts

"Lori, I can’t talk right now — I’m right in the middle of updating my dog’s Facebook page."

His Masters E-mail

Dog Training - "Next, go to the 'Guard' menu and select 'Bark.'"

'Going to Puppy School is so old fashioned Dad: I can do the course through open learning now...'

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

Bitchbark Canoe

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

'Personally, I don't like to play Fetch, but it makes him happy.'

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

'So far, I've taught him to fetch.'

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

'With 73 dog obedience books read between us, I think we must consider defeat.'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

'So what's it like riding in first class?'

"What you call tricks I call humiliations."

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

Licensed Therapist

"No no, I said sit!!"

"Foster failure"

'When he's happy he can cool the entire downstairs.'

"Quick, start the car!"

"They think we're their best friend. Just play along with it."

Barks in code.

'Bert's dog training.'

"Why, you little Shih Tzu."

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

'Hey Harry, you know you've been walking around with a biscuit on your nose for the last two hours?'